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When a parent can no longer live alone

The signs, the first conversations, and how to match the level of help to the right Utah license.

Quick answer

Common signs are falls or near-falls, missed medications, weight loss or spoiled food, unpaid bills, getting lost while driving, and a home that has become hard to keep clean or safe.

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How do I know a parent can no longer live alone safely?

Common signs are falls or near-falls, missed medications, weight loss or spoiled food, unpaid bills, getting lost while driving, and a home that has become hard to keep clean or safe.

Write down what you see and when. A pattern over several weeks is more useful to a doctor or assessor than one bad day. A geriatric assessment or a visit from a home health nurse can turn worry into a list of specific needs.

What are the options short of moving?

Options include a personal care agency for set hours, adult day care, Meals on Wheels through Salt Lake County Aging & Adult Services, an emergency response system, home modifications, and the Aging Waiver for people 65+ who need nursing-facility-level care and qualify for Medicaid.

Utah's median home care rate is about $39.25 an hour, so a few hours a week is affordable for many families; round-the-clock care is not. Adult day care costs less per hour and adds social contact.

Which kind of assisted living fits a parent who needs more help?

A parent who can still get out of a building alone in an emergency can live in either a Type I or a Type II facility; a parent who needs one person's limited help to get out needs a Type II facility, and a parent with dementia who may wander needs a Type II secure unit.

Choosing a Type II building from the start can avoid a second move later, since a Type I facility must discharge a resident who can no longer evacuate alone. That is a judgment call: Type I homes can be quieter and less expensive.

How do we talk to a parent about moving?

Lead with the parent's goals, such as staying independent, being near grandchildren or not burdening anyone, and frame each option as a way to protect those goals rather than as a loss.

Tour with them, not for them. Let them see two or three places and choose. If they refuse a move, agree on a trial of in-home help and a date to revisit the conversation.

Who can we talk to locally?

Salt Lake County Aging & Adult Services at 385-468-3200 or Tooele County Aging Services at 435-277-2420 can explain public programs; our advisors can walk you through licensed options in your parent's part of the valley at no cost.

If you live out of state, see our guide to caring for a Utah parent from a distance.

What does a Utah assisted living assessment look at?

Utah's rule requires the resident assessment to document memory and decision-making, communication, physical functioning and daily activities, continence, mood and behavior, weight loss, medication use and the ability to self-medicate, special treatments, relevant diagnoses, interests, and assistive devices.

Knowing the list helps you prepare: bring a written summary of each area, including the things a proud parent may downplay in an interview. The assessment is signed by a licensed health care professional and decides whether the facility can admit your parent under its license.

At a glance

Helpful first stepsCommon missteps
NeedsWrite down what help is needed and whenChoosing a building before knowing the needs
LicenseMatch needs to Type I, Type II or a secure unitAssuming every assisted living can keep a parent as needs grow
FamilyTour together and agree on a trialDeciding for a parent without them

Sources include Utah Admin. Code R432-270, Utah DHHS and DLBC pages, Salt Lake County and DAAS pages, CareScout and VA rate tables as cited above; see our editorial standards.

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